Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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