my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it's like iHOP with fire
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize