You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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