i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
FUCK WHALES
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