I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
