Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
