you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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