Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
