last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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