the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
