He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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