I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize