pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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