Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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