omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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