Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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