But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
