Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
