you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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