i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize