I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
