so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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