what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
