After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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