Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
