Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
