apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
