Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
