In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize