How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
