oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
