Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
