Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize