i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
