he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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