ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
