Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
