If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
