i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
