Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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