i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she pinky promised me she was 18
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
