im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
