god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
