My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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