The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize