I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
