If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
