okay pat passed out under dana's car
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
