You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
