I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
