my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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