i just had sex bonerless
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
