cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
