so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
