What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
