She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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