Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Life is so much better after having sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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