I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
