how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
