When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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