Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
