you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
