I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
