Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
