The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
