We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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