one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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